How to find hope in the darkest hour

10th June 2020

During the lockdown for the Coronavirus outbreak I tried to avoid watching the news every day. I knew I should be paying attention to the latest advice on minimising the risks, spotting the symptoms and dealing with financial problems but when I did tune in the constant updating of statistics was getting me down. Was there any good news? Yes there was. 

The graphs showing the death rates seemed to be reducing and plans for gradually coming out of lockdown were being put into action but it was an unexpected item that cheered me up. There was an interview with a mum and her young son of six, sitting on their sofa in front of a wall of family photos, much like my own home. When asked how the lockdown was affecting their lives the mum described how the release from the stress of getting her three children to school each day and the need to stay indoors had brought unexpected calm and happiness into their lives.

Transformations

I knew neighbours and friends with young families who were climbing the walls with the stress of having to stay indoors, manage some homeschooling and keep the kids otherwise occupied. The family on the news were the complete opposite. The mum was beaming because her eldest son had been transformed. Previously he had been very anxious most of the time and their lives had been dominated by the need to manage his stress. Now he was content. Surrounded by his family, he said he felt safe and loved.

The mum said that his desire for physical closeness had returned, hugs were now common and the words, “I love you”, were spoken with ease. They were lucky to have a small area of  open ground behind their garden with a small stream running through it. She had supplied a photo of her three boys playing by the trickle of a stream and her eldest son described it as his ‘happy place’. For this family the lockdown had changed their lives for the better. I wondered what will happen to that family when the lockdown ends.

Different reactions to the same situation

It left me pondering on the different intensities of stress. Most of the population were experiencing anxiety but not everyone was scared. Just going out for my daily food shop revealed the wide range of people’s reactions to the pandemic. In the local supermarket about half the shoppers were ignoring the need to stay six feet apart. Forty percent looked irritated as they sighed, tutted and complained to each other about that. The remaining ten percent actually looked scared, turning in their tracks as they came across others walking the wrong way up the now one way aisles. Some dropped their shopping baskets and walked out of the store, not looking anxious or irritated but scared.  

Although I generally thought of myself as confident, even brave, I had suffered anxiety over the years, usually about a lack of enough money to pay the bills. I knew that the related stress had caused physical problems that had sent me to my GP and consultants who only offered painkillers, antibiotics and even surgery. I knew I would rather treat my physical problems with natural healthcare and a healthy diet so I started actively striving to strengthen my immune system on a daily basis. This included a twenty minute yoga and mantra routine in the mornings, an hour long brisk walk during the day and a super smoothie in the afternoons. (click here for the recipe). This combination helped me to manage the physical symptoms of  stress and reduce my levels of anxiety. 

Remembering fear

I tried to recall if there were any situations in my life where I could say I had actually felt fear. As a teenager I had spent one summer taking footpaths instead of roads, scared of meeting the local bully who had decided to fix her hatred on me, for various reasons still unclear, but I wouldn’t have called that fear. Much later in life, while filming in the basement of an auction house in London, my contributors were late after being delayed by traffic caused by the bombings in July 2005. It didn’t become real for me until the end of the day when we came up to street level and drove to the station to see it surrounded by police cars and fire engines. It wasn’t until the next morning, when I had to walk to the tube station and get on a train to go back through the area where the bombings had happened that I felt fear. Every fibre of my mind and body was telling me to get off the train and go home but I carried on to the production office.

I wondered if worry and fear were not separate emotions as I previously thought but were on a continuum. Did worry always lead to stress, anxiety and fear? I wasn’t sure. Various people I know could start and stop with worry, live with an underlying state of stress, become gripped by anxiety on a daily basis or literally shake with fear when faced with pain. One state didn’t always lead to the other but I do think they must all be on the same emotional wavelength.

How to use these observations as inspiration in my writing

How do I use these observations in my writing? I remembered one writing course I attended many years ago. Our group of eight new writers was given an exercise. We were told to each pick three cards from the ‘Characters’ pack on the table, one card from the ‘Location’ pack and one card from the ‘Theme’ pack. Then we had twenty minutes to write a short story using only the characters, location and theme on our cards. As each new writer turned over their cards there was an outburst of protest. The characters were stereotypes, the locations were boring and the themes were too simple! The tutor smiled, he had heard these protests before. It’s just a quick way to get you writing, he said. As I remember, that exercise was great fun. Our group produced eight very different stories

When my creativity is at a low and I need a jump start I do that twenty minute exercise. I have my own set of twenty cards. I needed a boost today, my energy and mood were low, so I dealt myself three characters, one location and one theme.

My first character is a middle-aged maintenance man who worries about everything. My second character is a thirty something IT specialist who lives his life in a constant state of stress. My third character is a new teacher who suffers anxiety attacks every morning before she goes to work. They all work at the same school and the theme is the Christmas School Play. How will they cope when the dress rehearsal descends into chaos? Will they all stay true to their character or will some of them go up a gear? Who will be the first to feel the fear? I can feel the desire to write returning. The clock starts now!